Objects I Have Been Hit In the Head With: A Door

Welcome back for Part 2 of a four-part series on (as the title suggests) "Objects I Have Been Hit In the Head With." This next object made contact with my head a year and a half after the previous one (a vintage 1970s stacked heel boot). And believe you me, this next object was a good deal heavier and a lot scarier than being clobbered ...

So You Want To Be a Rock Music Journalist?

Once upon a time, I used to be a music journalist. While I never lost my puppy-like enthusiasm for writing in general, my fervor for writing about music fizzled. Oddly enough, this was the thing that brought me to the dance.   Picture it: Late December back in '63... Scratch that. It was late December 2006, four years since I had graduated from Temple University with Honors and a ...

The Trials of 29

~ for my friend, MB It’s been a few months since I’ve turned 30 and, so far, no magical Maturity Fairy has descended to drop some serious knowledge on my ass. It’s not much different from when I turned 18 and the Adult Wisdom Fairy failed to put in an appearance. It seems only fitting that 30 is as equally anti-climactic as legal adulthood, what with ...

Fart the Herald Angels Sing: A Christmas Shopping Story

Is anyone else burnt out on all this “holiday cheer”? Days before Halloween — not even before Thanksgiving – Rite Aid aisles were already clogged with tinsel, wrapping paper, and Santa Claus hats right alongside wolfman masks. It wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet, and radio stations had been “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” non-stop. One of my co-workers (who I actually like a lot, her wretched taste in ...

Poop: The Great Equalizer

It’s funny the things that go through your head at 4:30 in the morning when you’ve been hit with a round of Atomic Hershey Squirts. It’s even funnier the things that go through your colon when you’re crapping your brains out in the early hours of dawn. Having been sacked with some intestinal bug that’s been going around, I (thankfully) awoke in the middle of the night ...