Kotex U: A Party in Your Pants

There's a party in your pants! And Kotex says "U" are invited! For several decades, Kotex has been providing me with feminine hygeine products designed to staunch my menstrual flow. Ironically, they've also gifted me with steady stream of unintentional comedy through the years, too. The term "sanitary napkin" still makes me giggle with immaturity, usually because I think of a "napkin" as something I use ...

Don’t Hate Tiger Woods the Player… Hate His Commercial

Dear Nike, I’ve seen the commercial with Tiger Woods looking all sad-faced and sorry. Since you’re still endorsing him, can you lengthen the five-character limit on your Tiger Woods Nike ID sneakers so that I can fit “I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank & slap you…Hold you down while i choke you & fuck that ass that i own” on my custom shoe? ...

McDonald’s Premium Roast: Two Splendas, Extra Douche

I didn’t think it was possible, but Madison Avenue has given me someone else to hate even more than the FreeCreditReport.com douchebag.  Although my hatred of the “Credit Score Whore,” has waned and given way to a begrudging tolerance of his presence on my television screen, commercials following the one I had initially written about bore him out to be less of an opportunistic ass than ...

Centaurs: Hot or Not? Yay or Neigh?

This weekend, I was kicking back and watching TV with my boyfriend when a commercial featuring a showering centaur shilling for Old Spice popped on the tube. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06TBhGrzyN4] Asking a perfectly, normal, rational question, my significant other posed to me a conundrum stemming from the commercial regarding the implications of interspecial attraction and ensuing relations: “Do chicks find centaurs attractive?” I paused to think for a moment. I couldn’t ...

I hate you, FreeCreditReport.com Guy. I really hate you.

A certain series of commercials have really been chapping my ass as of late. Undoubtedly, you too have probably seen those FreeCreditReport.com commercials, replete with pithy jingles lauding the importance of checking that all-important credit score that determines just how often you shit, eat, get laid, etc. The star of these commercials is some Average Joe schlub with an accoustic guitar and oh-so fashionably shabby wardrobe ...