Don’t Hate Tiger Woods the Player… Hate His Commercial

Dear Nike, I’ve seen the commercial with Tiger Woods looking all sad-faced and sorry. Since you’re still endorsing him, can you lengthen the five-character limit on your Tiger Woods Nike ID sneakers so that I can fit “I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank & slap you…Hold you down while i choke you & fuck that ass that i own” on my custom shoe? ...

Junk Mail: The Penis Picture Epidemic

Members of the male persuasion, I ask you, why do some of you insist upon sending pictures of your penis to unsuspecting women online? Apparently, this epidemic has reached such proportions that even mens’ magazine GQ has taken the time to address that a gentleman should never email a picture of his penis. It’s probably not too far off before Hustler starts admonishing its readers ...

I hate you, FreeCreditReport.com Guy. I really hate you.

A certain series of commercials have really been chapping my ass as of late. Undoubtedly, you too have probably seen those FreeCreditReport.com commercials, replete with pithy jingles lauding the importance of checking that all-important credit score that determines just how often you shit, eat, get laid, etc. The star of these commercials is some Average Joe schlub with an accoustic guitar and oh-so fashionably shabby wardrobe ...

The Terrible Tampon Tirade

Sometimes, I really think that I’ve been granted that old Chinese blessing/curse: “May you lead an interesting life.” The “interesting” portion of this phrase seems to extend itself even to my feminine hygeine products. Two days ago, at approximately 5:15 AM, my boyfriend was getting ready for work while I still had at least a solid hour of slumber left on the clock.  While he was readying ...

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