A Letter to 11-Year-Old Me

Dear 11-year-old Lana, You're not gonna believe this shit, but this is Future Lana writing to you from the year 2020. Crazy, right? Speaking of crazy, that word doesn't even begin to describe this year. Remember how you were obsessed with and creeped out by that "In The Year 2525" song that Mom used to play on the Oldies channel? Welp, 2020 isn't quite that weird, but ...

Semi-Inspirational Quotes To Get You Through

Life's hard. Sometimes you need a bit of inspiration to get you through. I'm not talking about those bullshit inspirational quotes that appear in front of a stock image of a sunset: "Follow your bliss" or "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." Or those alpha douchebag quotes that are almost always accompanied by a photo of a ...

Leia: The Tragedy of Never Being Allowed to Grieve

In this latest (like, a year late) installment of the Skywalker Tragedy Trilogy, we'll focus on the lifelong burden of the princess-turned-general, Leia Organa-Solo, the daughter of Anakin Skywalker and twin sister to Luke Skywalker. In this instance, it's not due to slacking off. Rather, I wanted to wait until the release of Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker to see the completion of Leia's ...

The Drama and Excitement of Trash Day

Ever since I was a kid, one of my favorite films has been The 'Burbs. It reminded me of the apartment complex where I grew up in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where there were always people moving in and moving out -- and you wondered what their M.O. was. You'd bond with some neighbors and feud with others, but there was always some excitement and drama. I ...

Review: Joaquin Phoenix’s ‘Joker’ – The Hamlet of Villains

Normally, when I write a review, I try to objectively evaluate what was good, bad, plausible, or implausible about a film. I'm hard pressed to find anything to negatively critique about Joker. To say it's a great comic book film doesn't give it enough credit. It's a great film. Period. Joker touched on a variety of societal ills, specifically wealth inequality, lack of quality treatment for ...

Why I’d Rather Be Dutch Ovened By Ernest Borgnine Than Morrissey

Filed under - Rejected Collegiate Essay Topics: In 500 words or more, defend your position as to why you would rather be Dutch Ovened by either Ernest Borgnine or Morrissey. You must pick one or the other and cannot say "neither." Give specific reasoning behind your choice, backed by either qualitative or quantitative evidence. You may also cite personal preference to be Dutch Ovened by one ...

SEPTA Tales: The Unsung Hero of the 66

Yesterday's commute home was packed butts to nuts -- par for the course for a Friday rush hour. Invariably, no matter how crowded the bus may be, there is always that one asshole who insists on taking up two seats -- either by sitting on the outside seat instead of moving in toward the window, or worse yet, putting their bags on one side of ...

2am Thoughts: Keep Pa Beautiful?

When you have insomnia, your mind starts to race and you think back on a lot of things. I guess it's the adult equivalent of trying to tell yourself a bedtime story. Staring at the ceiling last night, I started remembering (for all you young whippersnappers out there) that there was a time when state abbreviations weren’t standardized. There were no neat, clean, two-capital-letter abbreviations. ...