The Politics & Pressure of Prom

Imagine an event so magical and monumental that it involves months of planning and preparation. An event that promises an enchanted evening filled with romance, formal attire, dancing, multiple regrets, and a drain on your bank account.  If you think I'm talking about a wedding, think again. The prom has long held an important place in the high school landscape. (Umm... Carrie, anyone?) However, the importance ...

Perverted Pop Songs with Double-Standards

It's a tale old as time: Perfect pop princes reap the benefit of hit songs that, upon closer examination, would make you think twice about accepting a drink from them. By contrast, when metal bands like Steel Panther, GWAR, or The Mentors write blatantly and hilariously perverse songs, some listeners who aren't in on the joke wind up clutching their proverbial pearls. It's a vicious double ...

In Defense of Seth MacFarlane: Oscar Host

Everyone's a critic. Moreover, everyone's a critic with an overwhelming, virtually Victorian sense of propriety - particularly when it comes to those who host the Oscars. Seth MacFarlane, Family Guy creator and voice of trash-talking stuffed bear Ted, met with mixed reviews for his turn as emcee at the 85th Academy Awards on February 24, 2013. Critics derided MacFarlane's melange of crude humor and Old Hollywood ...

Three’s A Crowd, Especially On YouTube

Ah! The Internet! Not only has the World Wide Web made this world a little smaller, technology has also presented each of us with many an opportunity to say, "Thank God I'm not them." Case in point: The goof who decided to send a video introducing himself to his fiancée's best friend and broaching the delicate topic of having a three-way. And unwittingly posted it ...

Unintentionally Hilarious Moments in Hair Metal Video History

I make no bones about the fact that I love the hair bands of the '80s. Yes, I know it's cheesy and "uncool" to claim allegiance to the memory of a time when dudes used more Aqua Net in a five-year span than I will use in a lifetime. Although I still find myself rokken to Dokken with greater frequency than most, sometimes, you can’t just ...

The Summer of Severus: My New / Old Pretend Boyfriend

"Dear Severus Snape, With my pretend boyfriend Damon from "The Vampire Diaries" away and off TV for now, I was wondering if you would like to renew our pretend courtship for the summer? Look, I know you're still hung up on your dearly departed Lily Evans-Potter, and I have a boyfriend who actually exists, even though he accompanies me to so few public events that my ...

Searching For a New Diogenes

The past few weeks, I've been engaging in a bit of internet detox, partly inspired by reading Nikki Sixx's book, This Is Gonna Hurt; partly inspired by my good friend MB; and partly due to recognizing my own unhealthy compulsion with checking what's going on in the world via Facebook and Twitter -- among other sites that deliver more "talking heads" than actual news. Sure, ...

The Importance of Having a Pretend Boyfriend: A Scamper Down “Delusional Drive”

The end of the television season is just around the corner and it's going to be a loooooonnnng wait until September. And not just because summer television programming is awful. No. I'm going to miss my boyfriend. My pretend boyfriend, to be exact. I have a real boyfriend, mind you. The same one for 13 years. We get along great and enjoy one another's company. I don't have ...

Centaurs: Hot or Not? Yay or Neigh?

This weekend, I was kicking back and watching TV with my boyfriend when a commercial featuring a showering centaur shilling for Old Spice popped on the tube. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06TBhGrzyN4] Asking a perfectly, normal, rational question, my significant other posed to me a conundrum stemming from the commercial regarding the implications of interspecial attraction and ensuing relations: “Do chicks find centaurs attractive?” I paused to think for a moment. I couldn’t ...

Porno Parody Title Fun!

Porn! It's all the rage this season!  When the economy is lagging, if there's one thing that serves as a port of comfort, it's the mass-telegraphed act of two or more people (and sometimes animals) bumping uglies on film. Just this past week, the King of Porn (and one of my personal heroes in the realm of free speech), Larry Flynt put out a call on ...