It’s Not Sexism. Your Gender-Swapped Remake Just Sucks.

Within the past decade, Hollywood has been whizzing on the viewing public with a steady, pungent, yellow stream of lukewarm remakes. Often dubbed "reboots" or "re-imaginings," the writers, producers, and whomever greenlights this hot garbage continue to underwhelm with their ability to take something that wasn't broke and attempt to "fix" it by passing off someone else's once-imaginative work as their own hackneyed reinterpretation. The latest ...

Kotex U: A Party in Your Pants

There's a party in your pants! And Kotex says "U" are invited! For several decades, Kotex has been providing me with feminine hygeine products designed to staunch my menstrual flow. Ironically, they've also gifted me with steady stream of unintentional comedy through the years, too. The term "sanitary napkin" still makes me giggle with immaturity, usually because I think of a "napkin" as something I use ...

McDonald’s Premium Roast: Two Splendas, Extra Douche

I didn’t think it was possible, but Madison Avenue has given me someone else to hate even more than the FreeCreditReport.com douchebag.  Although my hatred of the “Credit Score Whore,” has waned and given way to a begrudging tolerance of his presence on my television screen, commercials following the one I had initially written about bore him out to be less of an opportunistic ass than ...

I hate you, FreeCreditReport.com Guy. I really hate you.

A certain series of commercials have really been chapping my ass as of late. Undoubtedly, you too have probably seen those FreeCreditReport.com commercials, replete with pithy jingles lauding the importance of checking that all-important credit score that determines just how often you shit, eat, get laid, etc. The star of these commercials is some Average Joe schlub with an accoustic guitar and oh-so fashionably shabby wardrobe ...