Fuck You, 2022!

Picture it: New Year's Eve. 2021. I was in the kitchen, attempting to slice up a baguette that had gotten unexpectedly rock hard. (Heh. That's what she said!) While sawing through the stubborn stick of bread, the serrated knife sliced through the tip of my pinky, unleashing a geyser of blood. I aborted the bread mission and angrily chucked it in the trash. Partly out ...

A New Year’s Herring Sandwich For Luck

The last two years have been a real pisser, eh? Coming off another hard candy pandemic Christmas, feelings of weariness are mingled with a glimmer of cautious optimism. I'm still hopeful that 2022 has good things in store for all of us, if we're so inclined to look for a silver lining. That said, do you know what else has a silver lining? Pickled herring! Stay ...

Another Pandemic Christmas

In a 21-month period that's been a constant stream of anxiety, panic porn, and incessant carrot-dangling with regard to the promise of a return to normalcy, it would seem that the holiday season would offer a welcome respite from the 24-7 fuckery. Rather, the pressure to be cheerful, upbeat, and cling to tradition on top of feeling as if you're living in a prequel to ...

Breakfast Sandwich Showdown: Wawa Sizzli vs. Dunkin’ Sweet Pepper Bacon Croissant

With the weather getting nicer and being short on ideas, I thought I'd kick it back to the old days of reviewing fast food items -- specifically, fast food items garnished with bacon. Having a hankering for something substantial-yet-salty, I decided to compare two take-away breakfast sandwiches comprised of bacon, egg, and cheese on a croissant: Dunkin' Donuts' Sweet Pepper Bacon Croissant and Wawa's Bacon ...

2am Thoughts: The Legend of Scattin’ Sam

Laying awake at 2am in the dark, my mind drifted to thoughts of the upcoming Spring holidays, Easter and Passover. Both involve a visitation by a mystical entity: the Easter Bunny and the Angel of Death. One brings delightful baskets of candy to good little boys and girls. The other brings, well, death -- unless you've taken the precaution of smearing some lamb's blood over ...

Semi-Inspirational Quotes To Get You Through

Life's hard. Sometimes you need a bit of inspiration to get you through. I'm not talking about those bullshit inspirational quotes that appear in front of a stock image of a sunset: "Follow your bliss" or "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." Or those alpha douchebag quotes that are almost always accompanied by a photo of a ...

SEPTA Tales: The Unsung Hero of the 66

Yesterday's commute home was packed butts to nuts -- par for the course for a Friday rush hour. Invariably, no matter how crowded the bus may be, there is always that one asshole who insists on taking up two seats -- either by sitting on the outside seat instead of moving in toward the window, or worse yet, putting their bags on one side of ...

I Saw Netflix’s Motley Crue Biopic “The Dirt” Sober & Don’t Know WTF I Watched

There's nothing more disappointing than taking a bite out of what appears to be a freshly baked brownie and finding out it's really just a fat, steaming turd. Okay, most people (including me) haven't munched on a shit log. But I imagine it's similar to the level of bait-and-switch disappointment of having sat through Netflix's The Dirt, the movie based on Motley Crue's autobiographical tome ...

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