Bathroom Wall Wisdom

July 29, 2024September 10, 2025

Some of the best advice you’ll ever receive is from people you don’t know. And some of that sage wisdom can be found on a bathroom wall.

As a self-proclaimed “regular gal” who believes that when you gotta go, you gotta GO, I’ve frequented many a public bathroom. From rest stops to coffee shop crappers, I enjoy the experience of visiting a public restroom. I’m also a bathroom graffiti aficionado. You can find some choice musings scribbled on bathroom walls that extend far beyond “For a good time call” or pedestrian proclamations of love like “Jack *hearts* Diane.” Sometimes you find glorious bits of toilet humor, astute observations, or heartfelt words of encouragement scrawled on the stall.

That said, here’s a small sampling of photos I’ve snapped through the years, collecting some of the best bathroom wall wisdom I’ve been privy to in the privy.

1. Everyone Is Scared

As the note in the upper left corner says, “Everyone is scared. Drop your shields. Say it anyway.” Sometimes we need a reminder to speak from the heart. Whether it’s having the guts to be vulnerable and tell someone how you feel or stating an unpopular opinion that rings true for you, a lot of people struggle with speaking their mind.

It takes balls to be vulnerable. It’s only human to worry about how someone will react and what consequences may materialize as a result of spilling your guts. Maybe that’s why we have so many unhappy people walking around, because they never say how they feel and live in a constant state of “what if.” Sometimes it’s better to know the hard truth than to go on wondering with so much left unsaid. Life is too short to take bottled emotions to the grave. Take this (bathroom) sign as encouragement to speak now or forever hold your peace.

Also: Chorizo tits.

2. Shine Bright Like a Hot Dog

Here’s a little more stall-side encouragement, prompting you to live your best life. Bastardizing a Rihanna lyric, some unknown motivational speaker encourages others to “Shine bright like a hot dog.” Not everyone can afford a diamond. (Hell, even cubic zirconia is expensive these days with the price of inflation!) But everyone, regardless of their station in life, can afford a hot dog.

When you think about it, a hot dog is one of those simple things that brings joy. Just look at how happy people get on Dollar Dog Night. (Although Dollar Dog Nights have been scaled back as yet another victim of inflation — and Phillies fans lobbing franks at the field. But I digress.) So, if you can’t be a diamond, be a hot dog and own the hell out of it!

3. Don’t Fuck Indie Rock Dudes

I imagine the person that wrote this on the bathroom wall of a South Philly coffee house had to have felt pretty strongly. Normally, public restroom graffiti is short and to-the-point. This is more of a Master and Margarita-length missive, with the writer advising that, “Indie rock dudes are just normies that made being socially awkward into their gimmick to get laid. Don’t fuck them.”

Personally, I’ve never fucked an indie rock dude, but know several folks who have and will testify wholeheartedly to this PSA. I’ve shown this photo to several people and their reaction was always an instant and enthusiastic nod.

There ya go, indie rock fuckboys. The jig is up.

4. Don’t Be an Ass

While public restrooms are a great place to score some unexpected wisdom and motivational musings, they also harbor etiquette lessons. Simply stated: “Put it in da trash. Don’t be an ass.” It’s nothing earth-shaking, but a reminder that, yes, you are 100% an asshole if you throw your TP, tampons, or paper towels around the public toilet. There’s a trash can right there, damnit!

Look. We’re all just trying to do our thing. Don’t make the bathroom dirty. And don’t make the job of the people who have to clean it harder than it has to be. It’s not that difficult to not be an ass.

5. Don’t Profess Your Love Where You Shit

Walk into any public restroom and you’ll see various declarations of love decorating the walls. “Billy loves Bobby.” “Sue loves John.” “Joannie loves Chachi.” You get the picture.

I’ve never understood why people feel compelled to proclaim their undying devotion on a bathroom wall. Sure, it’s sweet to write it in wet concrete where kids play hopscotch or carve it into a tree. But a public toilet? I guess writing your beloved’s name in a stall must mean, “You’re always on my mind. Even when I’m taking a shit.” (Now there’s a Valentine’s Day card waiting to happen.)

As the oldest photo in my collection of bathroom wall wisdom, this gem has stuck with me since I first saw it in a stall at the original Sam’s Pizza Palace in Wildwood, New Jersey more than 20 years ago: “Don’t profess your love where you shit.” Finally, someone else felt the same way I did about couples who ritualistically engage in this puzzling practice.

But there’s always a dissenter. Apparently, someone was offended enough to scrawl “fuck you” underneath this observation, accompanied by an arrow.

No, dude. Fuck you. I’m with whoever wrote “Don’t profess your love where you shit.” That saying should be on one of those overpriced Wildwood Boardwalk t-shirts that fall apart after three washings. I would have bought 20 of them in bulk, just so I could keep wearing it year after year, spreading the message. My purchasing power would have funded an entire summer for those creepy dudes that run those storefronts and pop out at you when you walk past, practically grabbing your arm while saying, “You like? I geeve spehshul deal just fohr yew! Yes?”

I’m glad I took this photo because, like so many other bits of Wildwood history now lost to time, the original Sam’s Pizza Palace burned down in 2005. Unlike other boardwalk relics (pour a little out for Castle Dracula, which also fell to fire in 2002), the landmark pizza joint was rebuilt and restored. However, the renovated Sam’s Pizza Palace bathrooms are now pristine and graffiti-free. It’s still a great place to grab a slice while walking the rickety Jersey Shore boards and watching for the tram car, but gone are the pearls of wisdom that once graced its stalls.

Yet, “Don’t profess your love where you shit” has been burned into my brain for more than two decades. And now it lives on in you.

6. Summer Remembered

Not every bit of bathroom wall wisdom contains expletives. Some are downright poetic, speaking simple truths that whisper wistful memories and resurrect poignant moments of nostalgia: “Marigolds are the exact shade of a summer remembered.” I saw this on one of my most recent trips to a favorite South Street haunt and it rang true. When I think of bygone summers, those memories are always tinted with warm yellow-orange hues and feel as soft and comforting as the petals of a flower in full bloom.

This stall-side observation has now survived two summers without being painted over. It’s a beautiful sentiment and I hope it survives many more. Other people wiping their ass should see this at least once in their lifetime.