We’re halfway through January, in that liminal space between continuing to go after New Year’s resolutions with the fervor of a horny teen (literally and figuratively) coming across his dad’s porno stash or shrugging them off entirely. Then again, there are some of us who bat away the idea of New Year’s resolutions altogether. Personally, I like Aleister Crowley’s philosophy:
May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!
The Wickedest Man in the World (or as I prefer to call him, The Occult’s Answer to George Costanza) had the right idea. Quite frankly, the last thing most of us need is to put even more intense pressure on ourselves. Sure, it’s good to have goals, but if we’re looking at the cycles of nature — and the root of all things magic (or “magick” as Crowley liked to spell it) — winter is a time for hibernation and planning, while spring is the time to blossom and bring those plans to fruition after a period of thoughtful reflection.
January is the dead of winter, and yet, we’ve conditioned ourselves to ignore the cycles that plants and animals still adhere to. Instead, we look at the flip of the calendar year as the firing shot at the starting line — racing ahead to beat the clock instead of sitting down and taking the time to chart a smarter path to growth.
The truth is, if you want to start doing something — eat better, write a book, learn a new instrument, quit drinking, masturbate only three times a day — you can do it at any time. Starting (or stopping) something on May 19th is just as good as January 1st, so long as the resolve is there. Granted, that drive to get hype for new beginnings every January is ingrained in all of us. But I think there’s a willingness to embrace the more cautious, evenly-paced tortoise aspect instead of the breakneck pace of the hare.
Flashback to 2017: “Yeah! Let’s Get It!”
Picture it: It was the first week of January 2017. My brother and I were circling the grocery store parking lot, looking for a space. Suddenly, a really animated dude bolted from his car, slammed the door, and yelled: “Yeahhhhhh! Happy New Year! 2017! Let’s get it!”
The dude’s enthusiasm was infectious. My brother and I fist-pumped along with the guy, wishing him a happy new year in return and smiling ear-to-ear.
Throughout 2017, we’d periodically recall this guy and say, “Yeahhhh! Let’s get it!” in phone conversations, cheering one another on whenever there was the possibility that something awesome could happen.
Fast forward to 2025. It’s not a full decade later, but I often think back on the “Yeaaaaahhhhh! Let’s get it!” guy. Although I admire his enthusiasm and wish I could conjure that energy, these days, I prefer to take a slow, methodical approach instead of going in, guns blazing. I wouldn’t say it’s the wisdom of age, but rather the acquisition of experience.
Anything worth doing is worth taking the time to do thoughtfully. I’m not saying delay action and procrastinate. But when you plan ahead, you give yourself time to think about potential pitfalls and how to avoid them.
I feel my sphincter pucker when I hear the words “aggressive goals” or “we’re building the plane while we’re flying it.” It smacks of, “some motherfucker is going to make things unnecessarily harder on everyone else based on blind ambition.” This isn’t a do-or-die scenario like Gandalf the Grey taking the Fellowship of the Ring through the Mines of Moria because all other safer options had been stymied. It’s not having to perform emergency surgery on a patient with a pre-existing condition to alleviate a blocked artery. Rather, it’s someone deciding to Leeroy Jenkins their way through shit just because they need the adrenaline rush and deign to rope others into their scheme by bulldozing ahead without accounting for contingencies.
A Tale of Two Bulls
I’m not into that. That approach never ends well. Like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon 3, “I’m too old for this shit.” In addition to the attitude that I’m just here for the laughs and free snacks if you have them, my approach to 2025 is best summed up with the adage, “Let’s just walk down and fuck ’em all.”
Strap in, pearl clutchers! This is a story I tell in any situation where I have the opportunity to advocate for maintaining a steady pace instead of plowing ahead balls deep without a rubber. This is a dirty one, but it makes a memorable point:
Two bulls are standing on top of a hill, gazing down at a fertile, green pasture of prime cows grazing.
The young bull turns to the old bull — young, dumb, and full of …. bull juice. He says, “Wow! Look at all those cows down there! Let’s run down there and fuck one of them!”
The older bull gives the younger bull a withering, Bea Arthur gaze and replies: “Let’s just walk down and fuck ’em all.”
Life’s hard enough without trying to make things even more difficult. There’s always a way forward. But if you have the luxury of time to plan ahead and plan carefully, take that route instead of unnecessarily expending energy and adding to frustration that could just derail your entire plan.
If you run down the hill, they see you coming and have time to get out of the way. When you walk down, you invite more curiosity with calm, clear rationale.
So…. 2025 is not the year to rush in screaming, “Yeahhhh! Let’s get it.” Let’s all take a deep breath and view whatever your goal is from all angles. Give yourself some time to marinate, then formulate a plan that takes into account what could go wrong and what you’ll do if conflict arises. Then, when you’re ready to spring into action, walk down and fuck ’em all.
Photo by Mike Bird.