Just when you think 2020 can’t get any weirder, action star Vin Diesel has released his first musical composition, “Feel Like I Do.” Yes, the big, beefy guy from the Fast & Furious franchise dropped this revelation in a socially-distanced appearance on The Kelly Clarkson Show. It’s ironic that Diesel chose to make his foray into the world of creating club music in a year when no clubs are open, but here we are.
“Feel Like I Do” is a collaboration between Vin Diesel (on vocals) and Norwegian DJ Kygo. Written by Cole Citrenbaum, Nicholaas Perloff-Giles, Petey Martin (who also produced), and Vin Diesel himself, the song is pretty much what you’d expect.
Or is there more than meets the ear here?
That’s what I set out to discover when I decided to listen to Vin Diesel’s new song for an hour on repeat. Much like the previous installment in this series where I subjected myself to Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” for a full hour, I had no idea what I was in for, but was willing to find out.
With “Feel Like I Do” clocking in at 3 minutes and 6 seconds, I braced myself to listen to it 19 times in a row with no interruptions. I’ve done this so you don’t have to, Dear Reader. However, if you feel like embarking on this journey of discovery yourself, you can check out “Feel Like I Do” on Spotify.
Welp… Let’s see how this turns out. It can’t be any stranger than the rest of this year so far, right?
1st Listen
“Who goes out on a Tuesday night?” Umm… Who does? To a club? Were clubs even open on Tuesday nights? To be fair, I never got out much, even before the pandemic.
Please get this man a lozenge. Vin sounds really phlegmy.
Okay. Pretty standard pulsing synth beat here. I don’t hate it.
“I got phones when you walk in the room?” Maybe it’s “froze” and not “phones”?
Oh, lord. It’s gonna be a long hour.
2nd Listen
“Every single word makes my stomach turn.” Welcome to pick-up lines in a current- and post-pandemic society. Thanks, Vin.
It’s bothering me that I can’t figure out who Vin Diesel sounds like? He sounds like a Dollar Tree version of someone, but I can’t put my finger on it.
3rd Listen
I think I’ve figured it out: Vin Diesel’s vocals sound like what would happen if reggae singer Shaggy and Charlie Brown’s “wah-wah-womp-wah-wah” teacher from Peanuts had a baby. A really jacked baby who got bored during lockdown and decided to write club music in his living room.
I think Mumbles from Dick Tracy also got some of his sperm mixed up in that DNA combo, too.
4th Listen
I have to say, I’m actually bobbing my head while listening. It’s definitely danceable. It’s got that going for it.
“I want to be that guy.” Don’t we all, Vin. Don’t we all.
“I was froze when you walked in the room” still sounds like “phones” or “foze.”
5th Listen
Hey! At least no one can accuse Vin Diesel of using AutoTune! Although, “it feels like he do,” this is purely vintage Vin vocalizing. Not that we have a prior body of Vin Diesel’s musical work to look to, but I imagine this is the dawning of a new era. If that ain’t a sign of the times, I don’t know what is.
6th Listen
Vin sounds like he’s walking around his house singing “doot-doot-dooo” under his incredibly bass-laden breath on the opening notes of the song. “Doo-doo-dum-dah-duh.”
Wait! I know that combo. Holy shit. I think I’ve cracked the code. This is Vin Diesel’s low-key take on “Baby Shark,” the song that may or may not have opened an inter-dimensional portal to the darkness we now call 2020.
What if Vin Diesel is trying to put the world back in order? Like, instead of playing “Baby Shark” backwards, he’s created “Feel Like I Do” in an attempt to try to reverse this entire cursed year?! Holy balls! Vin Diesel is the real-life action hero we never knew we needed!
7th Listen
My brain is now spinning with the theory that Vin recorded “Feels Like I Do” to save mankind. Like a one-man Bill & Ted, but with club music instead of guitars.
Can I really rag on him for this?
Yeah.
Yeah, I can. Everyone rags on a messiah. Just ask Jesus. Or Tupac. Or Seth Rollins. But not Lemmy. Lemmy might have been God, but no one ever tried to step to Lemmy.
Oooh… There’s a point where the synth and beats get louder midway through the song.
8th Listen
Maybe my brain is turning to gelatinous goo having listened to this song for going on 30 minutes now, but I’m not entirely disliking it.
It has some good drum beats. We’re not talking Neil Peart or Tommy Lee fills here, but steady and working with the sparse piano and pulses. Whoever they are, they’re still better than Peter Criss.
9th Listen
I might not go out on a Tuesday night, but I’d legit get my dance on to this in my living room with some full-on rib cage isolations.
Huh… Now it just hit me. In addition to elements of “Baby Shark” floating around in “Feels Like I Do,” I’m also getting a whiff of Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself.” Oh-oh-a-OH!
10th Listen
I’m past the halfway mark on this journey and think I should crank it a bit louder. Not quite full-blast in the ol’ earbuds, but pretty damn loud.
Pumping up the volume amplifies the fact that it sounds like Vin is battling a pisser of a cold. Get him some Afrin to go with those cough drops, STAT!
Imagine being Vin Diesel’s vocal coach. Maybe he should consider branching into the doom metal genre. You know, if he succeeds in saving the world.
11th Listen
I have to pee, but I’m going to stick this out and listen for the full hour with no interruptions. I cannot compromise the integrity of this experiment. If Vin Diesel recorded this song to save the universe, the least I can do is hold back my whiz for another — checks watch — 27 minutes.
12th Listen
Maybe I should focus on the lyrics here for the remainder of my quality time with Vin? Now that I’ve listened to this song over 10 times in succession, I think I’ve mastered the Vin Diesel-to-English translation and can understand most of what he’s saying. Perhaps there are some gems of wisdom lurking here?
Come for the novelty factor. Stay for the philosophical stylings of Vin Diesel.
13th Listen
Listening to the lyrics, Vin sounds like a jacked-but-shy guy who gets clammy hands and wants to ralph when he’s around a girl he likes. Kind of like Kyle Broflofsky from South Park.
“Every single time / I just / [dramatic pause] Breathe.”
I bet you could totally swap in “barf” for “breathe.”
Ohhhh! With this cranked up, you can hear some of the subtle female backing vocals. I see you, production values!
14th Listen
From a lyrical perspective, we draw the conclusion that Vin Diesel is one of those dudes who believes in love at first sight. The type of dude who wants to avoid the club scene, but is mysteriously drawn to it like a raccoon to a garbage can.
The piano on the chorus gives this an almost wistful feel. Like he’s standing on the sidewalk outside the club, seeing the woman of his dreams walk by, and imagines an entire life with her in 15 seconds. I think, regardless of who we are, we’ve all had those moments.
Vin Diesel has never been so damn relatable.
15th Listen
I’m on my 15th listen here and I can swear the dude just said “basura” in the first verse: “And the carpet basura (?) is too loud”?!
Damn. Vin is one conflicted and tortured soul. We’re talkin’ early Robert Smith levels of torment, as on “Boys Don’t Cry” and “Pictures of You.”
Damn. Now I’m hearing elements of The Cure in Vin Diesel’s pandemic banger. This is the most 2020 shit ever.
16th Listen
I’m still focusing on the lyrics to distract me from having to piss like a racehorse. If I’d known I was going to be listening to this song for a full hour, I wouldn’t have pounded back a liter of water. To be fair, I did have a protein shake earlier this morning and feel that Vin Diesel would have approved of both choices. And if Vin Diesel is gonna be the guy who saves us from this whole crazy year, I definitely want to be in his good graces.
I’m hearing little subtleties in the production values with the pitch going up eeeeeever so slightly on one of the notes in the final chorus refrain. Nicely done!
17th Listen
This sounds like the type of song that would play in a trailer for a rom com in the early aughts, replete with nondescript-yet-shitty fashion choices and Dane Cook in a minor supporting role as either Vin Diesel’s wing man or the douchey brother of his love interest.
18th Listen
The ennui is kicking in. And my laptop is pressing on my bladder. I wonder if there are any new revelations I can glean at the foot of Vin Diesel’s learning tree. Is he the Prince Who Was Promised? Or just another guy with too much time on his hands during the pandemic?
Maybe Vin just wants to know if we all feel like he does. That, even if you’re not exactly the kinda person who enjoys the club scene, you miss that feeling of the possibility of meeting cool new people — that yearning for connection with someone or something other than the people who inhabit the four walls of your pandemic dwelling.
Damn. That’s heavy, man.
19th Listen
Last set, best set! Listening with my eyes closed and praying my fingers accurately hit the keys as I’m typing this stream of consciousness. I can go back and fix it, I say to myself. (Not even gonna try to italicize that internal monologue with my eyes closed and will do that on my final proofread.)
I can go back and fix it. Is this Vin Diesel’s version of The Butterfly Effect? That he’s trying to go back in time and fix this shitshow of a calendar year?
Goddamnit. I don’t know what you set out to accomplish here, Vin Diesel… But I am rooting for you. For all of us. But you, you relatable champion of those in desolate places, you might not be the one to save us from 2020, but by gum, you’ve tried your damnedest I cannot fault you for that. Even if your vocals are garbled AF.
To cop a lyric from a famous final scene of one of your films, “It’s been a long day / Without you, my friend / And I’ll tell you all about it / When I see you again.”
And this is the part where I pause at a red light and wave goodbye to Vin Diesel before I speed away on my bicycle (because I am not a licensed driver), pedaling fast and furiously to locate the nearest bathroom so I can finally go pee.
