I Listened to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones’ “The Impression That I Get” On Repeat For An Hour

Welp... The inspiration well has run dry this month and I'm scratching my ass for a topic to write about in my ongoing commitment to farting out at least one blog post per month. So, welcome back to another edition of listening to a song on repeat for an hour! To make this latest installment even more on-the-nose, the song I'll be recording my impressions ...

Objects I’ve Been Hit In the Head With: A Lot of Rocks

When you're beaned in the head with a variety of things, you sometimes forget the lengthy list of objects that have made contact with your skull. During my 45 years on this planet, those objects include, but are not limited to: a baseball bat, a 110 camera, a really sweet platform boot, and (my personal favorite) a door off its hinges. When mentally rattling off ...

Sidewalk Stories: Flamin’ Hot Lovers Spat

Every picture tells a story -- but sometimes you have to imagine it. Right now, spring is in full bloom. And so are heated lovers spats involving Flamin' Hot Cheetos stomped into the sidewalk -- a metaphor for the ages, indicative of a fiery passion that burned out of control. At least, I think that's what happened. Unsolved Mysteries with Snack Foods I was looking down at the ...

A Trilogy of Alice Cooper Songs About Domestic Abuse

Alice Cooper -- the guy in greasepaint who regularly snuggles with a giant snake and decapitates himself onstage during live performances -- has long been a champion of women. For starters, he was one of the founding fathers of androgyny in music. While Little Richard was in touch with his feminine side in the 1950s and David Bowie perfected gender bending in the '70s, Vincent ...

Love and Universal Monsters

Inside the beating heart of every horror fan is a closet romantic, armchair psychologist, or misanthrope with a glimmer of idealism left in their soul. While horror on the Silver Screen stretches back to silent film era, Universal Studios gave rise to "the monster" as a sympathetic -- and often tragically romantic -- figure. With Valentine's Day just around the corner, there's no better time ...

A Guide to Writing Bad Erotic Fiction

I've always had a love of words and genre-based fiction. One genre I haven't delved into is erotica. In the spirit of experimentation, I'm trying my sticky, cramped-up hand at it. But I don't want to write just any erotica. Certainly not the pablum peddled in best-sellers and most appreciated when read aloud by the late, great Gilbert Gottfried. Nope. I want to write bad ...

A Misanthrope’s Guide to the Clean Girl Aesthetic

I keep seeing this Clean Girl aesthetic everywhere online, accompanied by a litany of Clean Girl “rules” to follow. I dunno. It sounds pretty insulting to everyone else. Like you’re just a Dirty Skank if you’re not a Clean Girl. Why not just call it, “Basic Bitch, Fresh Out of the Shower”? Essentially, the Clean Girl aesthetic takes the "no-makeup makeup look" to obnoxious levels, ...

Requiem for Pee Wee Herman

I didn't know the late, great Paul Reubens personally, but like a lot of '80s and '90s kids, I'm count myself lucky that Pee Wee Herman was part of my childhood. When Paul Reubens passed away at the age of 70 on July 31st, 2023, the news came as a shock to countless fans and even some of his friends. He'd kept his six-year battle with ...

Retro Horror Review: The Monster Club

An anthology of stories within a story, The Monster Club was a movie I'd seen countless times on late night public access television as a kid. I recently conjured up the 1981 film via that necromancer's delight known as Tubi. Initially, I was worried that, once the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia were removed, it would be a hot pile of schlock that should have ...

In Defense of Halloween III: Season of the Witch

As a devout fan of the genre, I've often found myself defending some of my choices of horror movies. Despite being a "genre of the people," horror snobs sometimes sneer down their noses at certain flicks for one reason or another. One such film that gets a lot of flack is Halloween III: Season of the Witch.  Released in 1982, this unfairly maligned, redheaded stepchild of ...